A Glossary of Democrat & Republican Dialect/Doublespeak; Two of the Top Media Political Writers are dishing it out:By Marc Chamot
I found this very interesting piece in the San Francisco Sunday’s Chronicle’s Insight opinion piece. It’s a glossary of both parties, and what the words mean for each party. It’s quite funny and amusing to read.
Some of them hit-it-right-on-the-nail about each perspective’s party and their perceptions, and some I don’t know, it could be pretty lame. Can anyone ad to this?
But I disagree with New York Time’s Jaime O’Neill’s on Activist judges: Judges whose rulings are at odds with the perceived wisdom of Republicans, as explained to them by Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh.
Republicans aren’t the only folks that think that way. Many People and Democrats all over are getting damn sick and tired when our election results are OVERTURNED by these activist judges. JO is absolutely wrong in that perception.
Mastering the Democrats' dialectDebra J. SaundersSunday, May 10, 2009
Doublespeak is alive as Democrats pull the strings in the White House and Congress 25 years after 1984. What do they mean when they engage in Democrat-speak?
I know I'm not worthy, but I've got an assignment, so I shall borrow a page from Ambrose Bierce, not with a Devil's Dictionary, but a Democrats' Dictionary. The easy part: There's no dif.
Academic freedom: Full license to espouse liberal thought to unformed minds.
Bailout: Billions upon billions - trillions really - of government aid doled out to financial institutions to remind voters of the need for strong regulation.
Biden, Joe: Running-at-the-mouth politician, but, hey, he was elected vice president.
Bipartisanship: 40 Republicans and 60 Democrats.
Bush, George W.: Big-spending, war-waging Republican.
Cheney, Dick: Satan.
Clean coal: What Santa Claus puts in Democrats' stockings so they don't have to admit that their global-warming agenda is anti-coal.
Climate change: Global warming during a blizzard.
CNN: Unbiased news network whose reporters battle "right-wing" media.
Deficits: Overspending before 2009, or spending practices that President Obama inherited. For current usage, see: Investment.
Extremists: Abortion opponents.
Fox News: Unlike CNN, biased news network.
Global warming: An apocalyptic theory that every scientist believes in - except dissenting scientists who don't count - best bemoaned from one's Gulf Stream jet en route to an international conference on the environment.
God: What people in small towns clung to before Obama won the White House. See: guns, anti-immigrant or anti-trade beliefs.
Health care costs: A spiraling chunk of the U.S. economy that can be reduced by providing health care to all Americans. Really.
Homeland security: Gun control.
Iraq: An immoral war, once the focus of numerous anti-war demonstrations, which Democratic leaders vowed to end immediately upon winning the White House - until Obama won the 2008 election.
Liberal: The L-word, a term unfairly hurled by name-calling right-wing kooks.
Lieberman, Joe: Former Democrat turned independent senator from Connecticut. Sellout.
McCain, John: Former GOP maverick who - the nerve - turned out to actually be a Republican.
Middle class: Families that earn less than $250,000 - until Washington decides it might be a good idea to pay for all the new Obama-era programs.
Nuance: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano's decision to refer to terrorist attacks as "man-caused disasters." Formerly known as doublespeak.
Obama, Barack: God, at least in Detroit.
Oil: A crude substance used to fuel other people's cars.
One hundred days: The first in a series of holy days during which dutiful media preside over national thanksgiving.
Palin, Sarah: White-trashy grandmother utterly unqualified and too dim-witted to be vice president.
Pandemic: CNN-speak for flu.
Pelosi, Nancy: Grandmotherly House speaker who could not be expected to understand that when Bushies authorized waterboarding of high-value detainees, it actually might happen.
Progressive: Liberal.
Public transportation: What other people should take to work.
Regulation: The threat of a salary cap for executives with firms receiving federal funds.
Republican Party: The party of the rich - if the California inland empire and Central Valley are rich, and Beverly Hills, Marin County and Malibu are not.
Sacrifice: Something Bush never asked for during time of war. Now a tax cut for 95 percent of working families while U.S. troops fight in two wars abroad.
Specter, Arlen: Republican turned Democratic senator from Pennsylvania. Free thinker.
Stimulus: A rush in the nether regions at the prospect of spending trillions of dollars you don't have. Not to be confused with: banking.
Surge: A tactic involving troop increases that could never work in Iraq, but always made sense for Afghanistan.
Tobacco: Toxic substance that should be overtaxed or banned - unless it is marijuana. Then see: Medicine.
Tolerance: An essential element to civil societies; individuals deemed insufficiently tolerant must be re-educated.
War on terror: The fairness doctrine, the only weapon that can harm America's true enemy: Rush Limbaugh.
Waterboarding: Torture - unless a plane piloted by terrorists hits a reservoir.
You can e-mail Debra J. Saunders at
dsaunders@sfchronicle.com.
A glossary of Republican doublespeakJaime O'Neill
Sunday, May 10, 2009
The Republican universe is a bit topsy-turvy, rather like the one created by Lewis Carroll in "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland." In that story, the Queen of Hearts did not restrict herself to the generally accepted meaning of words. When she used a word, she said, it meant exactly what she wanted it to mean, no more and no less. It was good to be queen.
And, until recently, it was good to be Republican. They held the White House, and their top guys had most of the money and consequently got most of the tax breaks. Yet they still felt aggrieved and put upon, stalked by demon Democrats who didn't understand their fundamental goodness or the language they were speaking.
People who don't dwell in the land of Republicans might become confused upon hearing the alternative English they speak. Republican is a tough language, but with application and study, you, too, can learn it:
Activist judges: Judges whose rulings are at odds with the perceived wisdom of Republicans, as explained to them by Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh.
Bankers: Stewards of the capitalist system who always know what's best for the economy, who deserve low taxes and big year-end bonuses no matter how poorly their institutions have performed.
Class warfare: Assaults on rich people in the form of the usual whining of poor people.
Clinton, Wm. Jefferson: Democrat president whose sexual dalliance sent the nation into a tailspin from which even George W. Bush could not save it.
Compassionate conservatism: Ignoring the poor, except for an occasional contribution to the collection plate at church. Also see "conservatism."
Democrats: Devil-worshiping scum, foes of free enterprise, champions of the shiftless and the lazy, enemies of hardworking Americans everywhere.
Energy policy: Drill, baby, drill.
Fairness Doctrine: A government regulation once imposed on broadcasters under the mistaken notion that the public airways were owned by the public. Wisely rescinded by Ronald Reagan, paving the way for the careers of Rush Limbaugh, et al.
Fox News: A place where failed newsmen go to live out their golden years (e.g., Britt Hume, Geraldo Rivera), with paychecks provided by an Australian capitalist intent on explaining America to itself.
Gore, Al: Democrat presidential candidate and sore loser who concocted the myth of global warming just to steal joy from the Republicans who beat him.
Greed: The emotion that drives food-stamp recipients.
Justice Department: Agency created to legitimize illegal acts of Republican presidents.
Liberal: Any of a species of lily-livered, weak and effeminate men, or pushy and overly masculine women who have either renounced men altogether, or turned them into "girly-men."
Limbaugh, Rush: A male Mother Teresa for the oppressed captains of business and industry.
New York Times: Propaganda organ, once affiliated with Pravda, now a subsidiary of Al-Jazeera.
No!: All-purpose reply to any idea that doesn't include tax cuts for the wealthy.
Obama, Barack: Inept, inexperienced and inarticulate Negro man elected to the highest office in the biggest mistake the American electorate ever made.
Patriotism: Hoping the nation's leader fails, if he's a Democrat. Hoping the nation's leader succeeds, if he's a Republican.
Pelosi, Nancy: See also "harpy," "harridan."
Poor: People born lacking the gene that creates a solid work ethic, but with an excess number of genes that prompt whining.
Profit: The most sacred goal of human existence. Anything that interferes with its pursuit or acquisition is an affront to God.
Republicans: 1) The only real Americans; 2) Those who uphold traditional American values, such as marital fidelity, and disdain un-American practices such as homosexuality. Republicans uphold these values in public, though they sometimes are found to betray those values in private. They're only human, after all. (see also Vitter, David, or Craig, Larry).
Saint: (n.) See Reagan, Ronald.
Secular humanists: See "spawn of Satan."
Victory: A word foreign to Democrats, who always favor retreat or capitulation to the nation's enemies, foreign or domestic.
Wall Street: The nervous system of America, linked directly to the heart and brain. In short, the essence of this great nation.
Jaime O'Neill is a Butte County writer whose work has been in the New York Times Sunday Magazine and other publications. Contact us at
forum@sfchronicle.com.